The Shadow in the Dark (Part Thirteen)

 

A heavy wooden bridge cannot just disappear without a trace. It’s not possible. Even if men somehow removed it, piece by piece, in the dark, there would still be evidence it had been there. A wooden bridge is heavy. You would see traces of it having sat on foundations on the banks of the river. But as I gazed at the spot where I had walked onto the bridge, I just saw uninterrupted grass, scrub and bushes. Nothing here had been disturbed. If there had ever been a bridge at one time, nature had reclaimed the river bank over a period of many years. 

 

“Am I going mad?” I said out loud. I walked towards the river edge and gazed into the dark waters of the Miskatonic. There was no evidence of submerged timbers. 

 

Despite myself, I began to cry.

 

“It’s October the 6^th,” I said to myself. “I was here yesterday. Yesterday was the 5^th of October. I didn’t imagine it!”

 

“Ashlee…” Sheriff Root had carefully descended the steep slope and now stood behind me. I felt his hands touch my shoulders and turn me around. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

 

“There was a bridge,” I cried. “I saw it! I walked over it!”

 

“Hush.” He took me in his arms and suddenly I was no longer the tough FBI agent. I let him hold me and I wept against his shoulder. “What is going on? Please tell me?”

 

I felt him stroke my head and it felt so good. 

 

“You were in a crash, Ashlee. I shouldn’t have brought you out here. You obviously need more rest. I’m going to drive you back to Rosemary’s house and you’re going to get some sleep. And I’ll send for Doctor Willett. Someone should check you out.”

 

“I’m not mad,” I cried. “There was a bridge.”

 

Oh, but it felt so good to be held by him. My stress and anxiety seemed to fade as soon as he held me. His arms were so strong! He was a man.

 

In my soporific state I allowed Sheriff Root to take my hand and lead me back up the slope. He was kind enough not to look as my stupid pleated school skirt rode up my thighs as I scrambled up towards the side of the road. By the time I got there my shoes, knees and skirt were stained with mud.

 

“You need some rest, Ashlee.”

 

I nodded. I felt drained. “I know what I saw. You were with me.”

 

“Has anything like this ever happened to you before?” asked Sheriff Root.

 

Oh, but his hands felt so good as he held me by my upper arms.

 

“No. Never.”

 

“You’re going to be all right. You just need some rest.” He wiped a spot of mud from my nose and produced a clean handkerchief with which he dabbed gently at my face. “I’m a white knight on horseback when it comes to a crying girl standing in front of me.”

 

“I feel stupid. I shouldn’t be crying. I’m FBI for God’s sake.”

 

“And I think you should call your bureau before bed. You should let them know what happened to you.”

 

“I lost my gun,” I cried. It suddenly came out without warning. “And my badge. They were in the glove compartment of my car. When I woke up they were gone.”

 

Sheriff Root nodded. “Okay. Well, we won’t tell the Bureau that today. Maybe we’ll find your badge and gun? I’ll look around, but only if you promise me you’ll do what Rosemary says, and you’ll get some rest?”

 

“Feel so stupid.”

 

He hugged me again and it felt so good.

 

“You don’t mind me doing this, Miss Ellis? Holding you, I mean?”

 

“It’s good.” I sobbed. “I… I’m just so confused. Part of me thinks you are involved in all of this, and…”

 

“And?”

 

“And part of me is beginning to doubt what I remember. But it’s so real.”

 

“I’ll send for Doctor Willett. He’ll check you for concussion.”

 

Sheriff Root took his arms away, and the sudden absence felt like a wrench back to a cold reality. And then he took my hand and I felt good again. He squeezed my hand and I squeezed his hand back. All of a sudden I felt like a shy teenager and I couldn’t look him in the face. 

 

“Come on, Elsa. Let’s get you back home to bed.”

 

*******************

 

“I told the Sheriff you were in no state to go skipping around the woods looking for your car. But would he listen? But it wasn’t completely his fault, was it young Miss Ashlee Ellis? No, it wasn’t. Not his fault at all. Some little Miss pulled on her big girl pants and acted up when she should have been tucked up in bed, recovering.” Rosemary fussed around me as I sat at the kitchen table drinking a glass of pink Nutri-girl milk. Like all Nutri-girl products, it stated it was suitable for vegans. “And now look at you – covered in mud, with twigs in your hair.” She reached out and removed a twig from my red locks. “I don’t know. My Ada was just as bad, bless her little cotton socks.”

 

“I’m going to call round and speak to Doctor Willett,” said Sheriff Root as he made ready to leave. “I’ll arrange a house call. And Rosemary, before Ashlee goes to bed, can you let her call her bureau? She should let them know she will need a few days off work.”

 

“Oh, more than that, I expect,” said Rosemary. She ruffled my hair as I sat there and drank more of the Nutri-girl milk. It really was tasty. “You just leave her with me.”

 

The Sheriff paused in the doorway and actually looked concerned for me as I sat there staring in confusion at the far wall of the kitchen. Then he pulled out his notepad and a pen and scribbled something. He tore the page free and placed it on the table. “That’s my office number, Ashlee. Call me any time.”

 

I glanced up at him. He was either sincere or else a very good actor. I still couldn’t figure out which. “I… I want to believe you, but…”

 

He nodded. “Any time, Ashlee. Night or day. My office will get word to me.”

 

I nodded again and couldn’t think of anything to say.

 

And then he left. I heard the front door close and I imagined him walking out along the front of the property to where his car would be parked. 

 

“Now I’m going to pour you a hot bath, Ashlee, and then we’ll get you ready for bed and you’re going to sleep until you feel better.” Rosemary took my glass and filled it with some more Nutri-girl milk. “No ifs, no buts. Hot bath and then straight to bed.”

 

“I need to phone the Bureau.”

 

Rosemary thought about this for a moment. “Well, the Sheriff said you could, I suppose. Very well. The phone is in the living room. Make your call and then it’s bath time for you.”

 

I was feeling tired. So very tired. I yawned and rubbed my eyes. It would be so good to lie down now. Perhaps it had been a mistake to drive out this morning. I yawned again. If I was feeling this tired now, how tired would I be after I’d had a relaxing bath? But phone call first. I lifted myself up from the kitchen stool and walked back towards the living room. Inside, on a small table, close to a set of heavy wooden bookshelves, was an old fashioned land line phone. I sat down in the heavy armchair and picked up the receiver. While I didn’t know Martin’s number, I knew the number of the county office in Amherst by heart. I pressed a series of buttons and heard the dialling tone for a few seconds before my call went through.

 

“FBI Amherst office, how may I help you?” said a female voice.

 

“I’m Agent Ellis, badge number 76933. Can you put me through to extension 370, please.”

 

“One moment.” 

 

I yawned again and rubbed my eyes. The bath would be good, actually. I really was tired.

 

And then the receptionist came back on the line. “I’m sorry, that badge number isn’t recognised. Can you repeat it, please?’

 

“Agent Ellis, badge 76933.”

 

“One moment, please.” There was a pause of a few seconds. “No, I’m sorry, that’s not in our system.”

 

“Of course it is. I’m Ashlee Ellis. I operate out of Amherst. I’ve been working there for over a year now. Look up my name.”

 

I waited. “No, I’m sorry, Miss, there is no one by that name.”

 

A well of panic seemed to bubble up in my stomach. “Listen, I work there. I’m FBI. Ellis. E, L, L, I, S. First name Ashlee. That’s A, S, H, L , E, E. Look, put me through to Miles Corbin. He knows me. He’s my boss.”

 

“I can’t put you through to anyone, Miss, without a badge number. I can put you through to our public line if you have something you wish to report to the FBI?”

 

“I don’t want the public line. I’m calling in to my office. I want extension 370.”

 

“You’ve dialled an agency number, Miss. You need to ring our public call centre.”

 

“Listen, I’ve had a really fucking bad couple of days, and I need to speak to Miles Corbin. Just fucking call him.”

 

“I’m going to have to insist you moderate your language, Miss. We have a strict policy on abuse and if you swear again I will end this conversation immediately.”

 

“I’m sorry, okay. I’m sorry. I’ve just… things have been happening and I really, really need to speak to Miles Corbin, or Peter Lertzman. Can you try him?”

 

“Again, Miss, this line is for agency workers. I can’t confirm any names and I can’t put you through to anyone until you have cleared verification.”

 

“Please. Just, please listen to me. I work from Amherst. My name is Ashlee Ellis. I work in your building. I can describe the cafeteria.”

 

“I’m sorry, Miss, but I need a valid name and badge number.”

 

My head was swimming. I shook it to keep my thoughts lucid. Wait. Wait a minute…

 

I smiled to myself. I had Miles’s number in my hand bag. I could call him direct.

 

“Never mind,” I said, as I ended the call.

 

I picked up my hand bag and pulled out some scraps of paper. Yes, it was still there – Miles had changed his land line number three weeks ago and had given me the new one. I still had it. He’d probably be at the office, but his wife, Helen, might well be at home. She could give me his cell phone number. I stabbed down on the keys and dialled the number I had on the crumpled piece of paper.

 

The phone rang again for several seconds before I heard the familiar voice of Helen Corbin.

 

“Hello, Miles and Helen Corbin,” she said.

 

“Helen, it’s me, Ashlee.”

“Oh, hello, Ashlee!” She seemed surprised to hear my voice. Well, I didn’t normally ring Mile’s home number. 

 

“Helen, I’ve been having difficulty getting through to the office in Amherst. I think there’s a computer fault. I need to speak to Miles. Unfortunately I’ve lost my cell phone. Can you give me his mobile number?”

 

Helen didn’t say anything for a moment or two. Then her voice sounded, well, cautious?

 

“Where are you, Ashlee?” 

 

“Um, I’m not sure exactly. Near Dunwich? I was going to see Martin, but my car crashed.”

 

“Martin?” Helen’s voice sounded a trifle vague.

 

“My new boyfriend,” I said. “Hasn’t Miles mentioned him? I would have thought he would have by now.”

 

“Ashlee, we’ve…we’ve been worried about you.”

 

“What?”

 

“Miles has been worried about you, honey. You’ve been gone for a couple of days now. Everyone is worried for you. Your doctor is worried. You know you’re not supposed to run away like that. We’ve talked about it.”

 

“What? What are you talking about?”

 

“Doctor Thredson is worried for you. Have you been taking your medication?”

 

“What medication? Helen, I need to speak to Miles. I need to call the Bureau office.”

 

“Oh, Ashlee,” Helen sounded tearful at the end of the line. “Please don’t do this again. Just… just ring Doctor Thredson. He can send a nurse round. We’ll have you back at Briarcliff and they’ll be able to look after you. Just tell me exactly where you are. I’ll call Doctor Thredson for you. He really is worried.”

 

“Helen, what is this? I work for the FBI. Miles is my boss. He has been for over a year.”

 

“Ashlee, please stop this obsession with my husband! I really do not like it! He is NOT your boss. You do NOT work for him. It’s getting… creepy. There, I’ve said it. I know you’ve had your problems, but I can’t go on like this any longer. What you did last week crossed the line.”

 

“Helen, I didn’t do anything last week. What are you talking about?”

 

“You’re playing out some office romance fantasy in your head, aren’t you? What is it? Are you imagining you’re his secretary? Some sort of secretary slut? It’s sick, Ashlee. It has to stop. Doctor Thredson will help you. You just need to take your medicine. Let us help you? Please?”

 

I put the phone down. I felt my head spinning. 

 

Miles had been my boss now for over a year. I had met Helen maybe five times during that period with the Bureau.    

 

I breathed in deeply as waves of fatigue washed through me.

 

So tired.

 

So very tired.

 

************

 

I woke slowly to a warm shaft of sunlight streaming through the dormer window, teasing my face.

 

It was one of those lazy mornings when I sensed instinctively that I’d enjoyed a really good night’s sleep, with vivid dreams that faded the moment I left the lands of Morpheus. Above me, pinned to the sloping sides of the attic roof, a poster of Elsa from Frozen looked down at me. There was a quote on the poster that read:

 

‘Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let it show.’ 

 

For some reason the quote stirred a momentary pang of frustration as I lay on my back gazing up at it. 

 

Don’t let it show.

 

I mustn’t ever let it show.

 

The thought came unbidden into my head, and just as quickly vanished.

 

I became aware I was lying under a Frozen bedspread that I’d partly kicked away as I’d tossed and turned in my deep sleep. And continuing the Frozen theme, I wore a silky bedtime slip with Elsa printed on the front. I didn’t remember dressing myself in it, but then I didn’t remember much from last night, just vaguely making some telephone calls to my office in Amersham, and then…

 

From where I lay in the single bed I could see other pictures from Frozen pinned to the walls, often with motivational quotes from the cartoon film.

 

My eyes focussed on one of them:

 

‘The best way to get what you want is to just be who you are.’

 

And there on the attic door was Elsa imploring me to ‘let it go, let it go, can’t hold it back anymore.’

 

My left hand strayed to the silky slip where it settled against my breasts. It wasn’t real silk, of course – just some synthetic silky material, but it felt strangely nice. I didn’t normally wear such things to bed, so it was a new sensation. 

 

My fingers brushed the silk that lay against my left nipple and that felt nice, too. I smiled a guilty smile as I lay there and began to stroke both my nipples through the silk-like slip. I felt content, good with myself, happy in my body as I lay there, waking up slowly.

 

With the arrival of bright daylight, all the fears and anxieties and the stress from last night were gone. I didn’t know what time it was for there wasn’t a clock in the tiny attic dormer bedroom, but I allowed myself the luxury of stroking and fondling my nipples for a while through the slip. This wasn’t something I normally did, but this morning it felt comforting. I thought of the handsome Sheriff Root, and I remembered how he had given me his phone number and told me I could ring him any time, any time at all. Day or night. 

 

I could ring him at night, just to talk, just to hear his deep, commanding voice. 

 

Did he want me?

 

Did he want me kneeling before him as a…

 

Thinking of Sheriff Root made the stimulation of my nipples nicer still. I lay back, gazing up at the Elsa poster as I felt those nipples swell to my touch. 

 

I could…

 

I could always…

 

NO!

 

NO!

 

I sat violently up in the ridiculous teenage girl’s bed. Yesterday… the phone calls…

 

From downstairs I could smell the breakfast cooking.