Secrets of Gor Chapter Four

 

“Well, this is awkward,” said Donna, breaking three ehn of silence, as she faced both Simon and myself. We were seated side by side, evidently not looking at one another. “More Bazi tea?”

 

“Yes, please,” said Simon, as Donna lifted the delicate ceramic tea pot.

 

“No,” I said.  

 

“I can see you’re not happy, Cassandra, with me inviting your companion here.”

 

“You were always very observant, Donna,” I said, bitterly.

 

“But in light of the experiences you both endured, I feel you need to speak openly to one another. You were both hurt, and the healing process has to begin sometime. Simon, is there something you would like to say to Cassandra?”

 

“Yes.” He turned slightly to face me. “I don’t know what you want, Cassandra. I really don’t. Since we made our vows you have lain stiff as a board in bed, acting startled each time I touched you through your night gown. Fine. You are a frigid Gorean woman, or that’s what I thought. But now I discover that tied to some other man’s slave ring – some man other than me - you turn into a hot lascivious slut.”

 

“How dare you!” I struck Simon hard in the face with my clenched fist and watched him fall backwards.

 

“Cassandra, that isn’t helpful,” remarked Donna, brusquely. “And Simon,” she watched him pick himself up from the floor. He hadn’t been expecting that blow, and I had struck him hard, “we are not using terms like ‘hot lascivious slut’ right now. It’s counterproductive.”

 

“Can I go?” I asked.

 

“No. You will remain kneeling, Cassandra, until I say otherwise.”

 

I sulked a bit. 

 

“Cassandra, is there something constructive you would like to say to Simon?”

 

“Yes.” I turned slightly to face my companion. “What happened to you when Sansapina had you? Why won’t you talk about it? You’ve been withdrawn and broken since that night! You’ve been cold to me, just when I needed your compassion and your love the most. I am your woman. You should be able to speak to me.”

 

“She has a point, Simon,” said Donna.

 

“I felt ashamed,” said Simon, his head downcast. “I can’t talk about it. The things that happened.”

 

“Oh, so I’m expected to talk about being put to use in a barn, and apologise for anything I might have felt, but Simon gets to be the victim? Pathetic.”

 

“It is different for men,” remarked Donna. “You know that.”

 

I shrugged and looked pointedly at the far wall.

 

“Simon, it would be helpful if you held Cassandra’s hand, looked into her eyes, and said something positive to her now.”

 

Simon rubbed his swollen cheek and did as he was instructed, though I pulled away a little as he took my right hand in his. “Cassandra, since the day we met, I have been in love with you. You are the most beautiful woman on Gor, and my feelings for you have always been strong.”

 

“Oh, Simon…” I swallowed a lump in my throat and gazed back at him.

 

“Good,” said Donna. “Please continue.”

 

“My proudest moment was when you agreed to be my companion for the space of a year. I imagined us living together for a lifetime, having children…”

 

At the mention of children I sobbed a little and nodded quickly, still gazing into his eyes. “Yes, children. I will give you lots of children.”

 

“A day doesn’t go by without thinking how blessed I am that the Flower of the Assante is truly mine. The feelings I have for you eclipse anything I ever felt for Emma…”

 

“EMMA!” I pulled back my hand and could see from Simon’s startled expression he hadn’t meant to say that. Swiftly I hit him a second time. “YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH THAT FLITHY BARBARIAN SLUT?!”

 

I was pleased to see Simon’s cheek and lip was beginning to swell. I had hit him well, though my hand now hurt. 

 

“I don’t love Emma,” he said as he watched me warily, rubbing his face. “How could I possibly love her – she’s just a slave. If I felt anything, it was just a moment of casual lust, like men feel for slaves. It’s perfectly natural.”

 

“Don’t draw that knife,” warned Donna as she saw where my hand was at my belt. “I’m warning you, Cassandra. You both need to be able to speak freely, even if there’s some short term pain. No knives.”

 

Simon looked alarmed when he saw how my blade was almost half way out of its sheath.

 

“You were going to stab me!” he cried. He looked horrified at the realisation.

 

“No I wasn’t. Now you’re being ridiculous.” I slid the blade back into its oiled sheath.

 

“Yes you were!” He pointed at my knife belt. “The blade was halfway out of its sheath!”

 

“How could you lust after Emma!”

 

“She’s a slave, Cassandra. That’s how men are.”

 

“Disgusting. You say you love me, but then there are all your slaves parading around my house. What was the name of that little slut you had a month ago?”

 

“Cassandra, calm down,” warned Donna. “You know it’s natural for men to seek the comfort of slaves for what they cannot enjoy with their companion. Men have needs that only slaves can satisfy. You know this.”

 

I sniffed. “I don’t have to like it.”

 

“Of course not. You are a Free Woman. No one expects you to like it,” agreed Donna. “But you have to accept it. It is Simon’s right as your companion to make use of slaves as he sees fit. That is your culture.”

 

“I don’t want them in the house! Or on my furniture!”

 

“It is his house,” said Donna. “He can bring slaves into it if he wishes.”

 

“It’s my house!”

 

“Not while you are companioned. He is the man.”

 

“How am I supposed to feel if some filthy slut is in my bed! And why does he have to lust after that barbarian slut! There are thousands of other slaves! She even has fat ankles!”

 

“I won’t put slaves to use in our bed, Cassandra,” said Simon by way of reconciliation. “I’ll never do that. I know it would hurt you.”

 

“Good. The next slut I find in my bed will have all her hair sheared away.”

 

“I’ll try to use them when you’re not around. But sometimes that may not be possible. I don’t plan my couplings.”

 

“I don’t want to know!” I looked away.

 

“Cassandra,” said Donna in a calm voice. “You do accept Simon has a legal and cultural right to use slaves whenever he wants?”

 

“Yes,” I said in frustration. I clenched my hands into fists and felt the right one throbbing painfully, from my use of it as a fist. 

 

“And you understand why – that men cannot obtain the same degree of satisfaction from their companion?”

 

“Yes.” I continued to look away.

 

“And you understand that Simon could never love a slave the way he loves you? Isn’t that right, Simon?”

 

“You are the only woman I love, Cassandra. I will give you children.”

 

That word again. The magic word. I sniffed and looked round at him. “When?”

 

“When we renew our companionship vows. That way I know we are likely to be together to raise them. And when I know that there is no risk their mother will be lost to a collar. I would not put our children through that. That is a red line for me.”

 

“You will give me children when we drink the wine of companionship again?”

 

“Of course. But only when I know their mother will be there for them.”

 

I dried my eyes and stopped thinking about the knife at my belt. “Why Emma? Why her?”

 

“She was there, all the time, and she was always teasing me. You know how slutty she is. She seemed infatuated with me for some inexplicable reason, always putting herself in my way and pawing at me. It was frankly tiresome, but, when I was away looking for Brinn in Port Kar, she was the only slave to hand, and, well, I have needs. But that’s all she is to me – a slave. Just a slave, not the best I’ve met, not the worst either. You’re right. She does have fat ankles.”

 

“And a stupid nose.”

 

Simon seemed to choose his next words carefully. “I’ve noticed that too. And she wears too much makeup.”

 

“Slutty makeup. Filthy little slut. With a stupid looking nose and too much makeup.”

 

“She has to, I suppose,” said Simon, “because she isn’t naturally beautiful like you. I suppose she feels inadequate and that is the only way she has to compensate.”

 

“I think we’re getting somewhere,” said Donna as she poured some more Bazi tea for us both. “Simon thinks you are beautiful. Cassandra – tell Simon how you feel about him. Something positive.”

 

“You… you saved my life on the Thassa. You were a hero.” I touched his hand. “I will never forget that. You faced down death to save my honour. I… I think I loved you before, but I loved you even more then. You were my rock, and when I knew we would be companions, I felt like the happiest girl in the world. The months since have been hard at times, and we have had problems, but I do love you. I wasn’t responsible for what happened last month. I was a victim.”

 

“Oh, Cassandra…” Simon reached over and drew me into his arms where I sobbed and pressed my head to his shoulder. “I’ve been so very worried for you. That’s why I’m here.”

 

“What do you mean?” I raised my face a little to look at him.

 

“The Lady Donna showed me the slave papers.”

 

I flinched in his arms and shut my eyes. “They’re not legal in Vonda,” I said.

 

“I know. But it’s what they describe: your responses.” I flinched again and screwed my eyes even more tightly shut.

 

“We have to do something about this. The Lady Donna is right when she suggests your feelings will grow beyond your control unless we convince you that this is a path you would not enjoy. She’s trying to help us. You want children? You can’t fantasise about slavery if you want children.”

 

“I’m not a slave,” I cried. “I wouldn’t do anything. I don’t dream of being a slave. Why don’t any of you listen to me? I keep telling you!”

 

“I think the Lady’s offer is a good one,” said Simon, slowly and carefully. “It will be a shock to your system and will convince you to maintain the standards of a chaste Free Woman in future. You want that, don’t you? Our respect?”

 

“You seriously want me to…?”

 

“It’s worth thinking about. And it would be a safe environment, in the Lady’s house, and we’re only talking about a day and a night of service.”

 

“A day and a night of service as a house kajira, to the standard I expect,” added Donna. “There would be no shirking. That’s the point. You experience genuine slavery for a short period of time. Not the romantic nonsense you have in your head. You will live through the uncomfortable drudgery.”

 

“No one need know, Cassandra,” said Simon as he rubbed my hand, affectionately. “It would be discrete. I would make excuses for your absence.”

 

“I can’t believe you want me to parade around this house in a slave tunic!” I said. “How can you even suggest such a thing, Simon?” 

 

“I suppose she’s worried that she might not be tough enough for a day of actual slavery,” said Donna as she sat back against the cushions. “The soft, pampered life she has led makes her unsuited to the chores of a house kajira, even for a day.”

 

My eyes flashed at that challenge. But I said nothing.

 

“Otherwise,” Simon shrugged, “we go on as before, and I suppose you will begin taking risks. If you shame me in public, I cannot, I will not protect you. And there can be no prospect of children if I am not certain their mother will remain a dignified Free Woman.”

 

“If you don’t give me children, Simon, I will find a companion who will.” The air in the room suddenly turned cold as our eyes locked in that challenge.

 

“You don’t mean that, Cassandra. We love each other.”

 

“I want children. That is not negotiable.” We continued to stare at one another, daring each other to escalate this.

 

I rose to my feet. “I am not doing this. That is my final word. I am not going to play at being a slave.”